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I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
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