Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Tennessee (931)

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  I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma

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  (931): I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma http://tfl.nu/5uqx
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  please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice

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  (931): please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice http://tfl.nu/enb2
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  Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.

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  (931): Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person. http://tfl.nu/od1c
  Replies (46) Good night (6906) Bad night (736)
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  On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance

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  (931): On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance http://tfl.nu/e8cg
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  i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.

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  (931): i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman. http://tfl.nu/vuix
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  Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.

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  (931): Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this. http://tfl.nu/inch
  Replies (8) Good night (4064) Bad night (640)
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  Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.

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  (931): Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight. http://tfl.nu/ee6d
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  woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?

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  New experience?

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  (931): woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low? (615): New experience? http://tfl.nu/83n1
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  Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious

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  (931): Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious http://tfl.nu/qfwe
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  My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.

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  (931): My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake. http://tfl.nu/j2xw
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  That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from

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  (931): That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from http://tfl.nu/4gf0
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  Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring

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  (931): Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring http://tfl.nu/mtnj
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  Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running

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  (931): Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running http://tfl.nu/vdeh
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  Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.

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  (931): Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close. http://tfl.nu/0xt0
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  making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float

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  (931): making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float http://tfl.nu/pj8f
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