Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend