Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
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I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.