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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
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