Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.