Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.