there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.