I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.