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Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
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