How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking