We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty