She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.