How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?