EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We talked him into tasing himself.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.