I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?