I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
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I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
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The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.