Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (831)

Last Night in California (831)

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i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila

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(831): i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila http://tfl.nu/efvv

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She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester

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(831): She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester http://tfl.nu/csr6

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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something

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(831): i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something http://tfl.nu/b053

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You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!

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For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?

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(831): You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!! (408): For my parents' annivery card? How high are you? http://tfl.nu/qppn

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The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.

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(831): The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half. http://tfl.nu/bj5u

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high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.

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(831): high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth. http://tfl.nu/l561

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I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.

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(831): I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick. http://tfl.nu/d0cr

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This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.

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How much did you smoke??

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(916): This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big. (831): How much did you smoke?? http://tfl.nu/a96z

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No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick

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(831): No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick http://tfl.nu/r1nb

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Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.

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(831): Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success. http://tfl.nu/9nkx

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You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint

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(831): You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint http://tfl.nu/ergy

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I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all

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(831): I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all http://tfl.nu/rp5b

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So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...

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(831): So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me... http://tfl.nu/3wpt

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Don't EVER smell your tampon

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(831): Don't EVER smell your tampon http://tfl.nu/zvwb

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if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please

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(831): if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please http://tfl.nu/sfv9

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Last Night in California (831)

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