Don't EVER smell your tampon
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire