I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
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Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
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maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out