And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?