I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
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I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
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he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go