I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
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He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
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there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.