I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.