Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (817)

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  (817): View more from Texas

  I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.

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  (817): I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy. http://tfl.nu/amvl
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  Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.

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  (817): Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was. http://tfl.nu/0op6
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  Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.

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  (817): Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up. http://tfl.nu/ymie
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  Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.

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  Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?

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  Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation

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  (817): Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant. (818): Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring? (817): Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation http://tfl.nu/wbmb
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  You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.

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  (817): You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target. http://tfl.nu/enj6
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  despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds

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  (817): despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds http://tfl.nu/p6zs
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  Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day

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  (817): Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day http://tfl.nu/cyg4
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  I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.

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  (817): I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face. http://tfl.nu/oog9
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  They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great

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  (817): They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great http://tfl.nu/5yg0
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  I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...

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  (817): I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working... http://tfl.nu/rly7
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  She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.

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  (817): She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that. http://tfl.nu/vcnu
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  She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.

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  (817): She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up. http://tfl.nu/2rkk
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  he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.

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  (817): he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes. http://tfl.nu/jo0i
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  she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.

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  (817): she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student. http://tfl.nu/paxd
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  And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub

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  (817): And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub http://tfl.nu/i3vc
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