Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (817)

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  (817): View more from Texas

  well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while

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  (817): well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while http://tfl.nu/ax7b
  Replies (33) Good night (1503) Bad night (4819)
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  Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.

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  (817): Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have. http://tfl.nu/2nqb
  Replies (23) Good night (545) Bad night (4499) Order T-Shirt
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  In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.

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  (817): In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles. http://tfl.nu/ov1n
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  you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag

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  could you get any more awkward?

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  (817): you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag (817): could you get any more awkward? http://tfl.nu/636d
  Replies (8) Good night (1040) Bad night (4359)
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  Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation

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  (817): Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation http://tfl.nu/c4tn
  Replies (37) Good night (1244) Bad night (4286) Order T-Shirt
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  I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not

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  (817): I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not http://tfl.nu/w4u2
  Replies (57) Good night (1144) Bad night (4274) Order T-Shirt
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  I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.

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  (817): I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth. http://tfl.nu/n8z4
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  So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...

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  (817): So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain... http://tfl.nu/gzma
  Replies (27) Good night (991) Bad night (4120) Order T-Shirt
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  Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes

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  (817): Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes http://tfl.nu/2z3z
  Replies (44) Good night (827) Bad night (4094) Order T-Shirt
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  I showed him my bush... on skype.

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  (817): I showed him my bush... on skype. http://tfl.nu/384w
  Replies (40) Good night (707) Bad night (4082) Order T-Shirt
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  Dude. Creed is coming in september.

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  We're no longer friends.

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  (817): Dude. Creed is coming in september. (1-817): We're no longer friends. http://tfl.nu/0z8r
  Replies (43) Good night (1213) Bad night (4040) Order T-Shirt
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  Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you

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  (817): Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you http://tfl.nu/97p3
  Replies (16) Good night (962) Bad night (4037) Order T-Shirt
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  you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for

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  (817): you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for http://tfl.nu/dk1d
  Replies (24) Good night (1123) Bad night (4036) Order T-Shirt
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  I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.

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  (817): I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy. http://tfl.nu/amvl
  Replies (13) Good night (808) Bad night (3938) Order T-Shirt
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  I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.

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  I guess it was more of a nightmare.

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  (817): I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to. (817): I guess it was more of a nightmare. http://tfl.nu/fsml
  Replies (60) Good night (926) Bad night (3926)