He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I showed him my bush... on skype.