I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?