You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
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If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.