Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships