i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The adults are the big ones right?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a disaster
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high