Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.