I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If You LOL At These 18 Tweets, You’re Probably A Terrible Person
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If You’re One of These 12 Restaurant Customers, Your Server is Definitely Spitting in Your Food
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Good Food, Cheap Beer, and Hot Singles: the Top 13 Cities for Millennials