I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?