Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I forget how to act sober
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.