He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.