Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.