So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
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Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
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sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99