DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.