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You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ketchup is God's man juice
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
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