Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Colorado (720)

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  When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.

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  (720): When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail. http://tfl.nu/a5d0
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  I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...

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  (720): I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands... http://tfl.nu/51q8
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  I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.

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  (720): I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit. http://tfl.nu/09qd
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  If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.

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  (720): If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend. http://tfl.nu/by48
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  He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.

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  (720): He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible. http://tfl.nu/qdhh
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  i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.

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  (720): i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there. http://tfl.nu/dzaj
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  morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.

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  (720): morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore. http://tfl.nu/srrk
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  the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.

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  (720): the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom. http://tfl.nu/h1iv
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  Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.

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  (720): Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him. http://tfl.nu/sxwx
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  yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers

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  eat her like coffee?

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  (720): yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers (1-720): eat her like coffee? http://tfl.nu/6p99
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  She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.

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  (720): She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth. http://tfl.nu/5m3k
  Replies (39) Good night (8929) Bad night (2935) Order T-Shirt
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  ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.

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  (720): ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick. http://tfl.nu/3jab
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  how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?

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  (720): how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot? http://tfl.nu/rnjj
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  I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.

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  (720): I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole. http://tfl.nu/jzio
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  I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.

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  (720): I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle. http://tfl.nu/5a1c
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