Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Colorado (720)

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  (720): View more from Colorado

  He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.

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  (720): He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim. http://tfl.nu/2u9p
  Replies (8) Good night (3324) Bad night (982)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.

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  (720): i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out. http://tfl.nu/xm4r
  Replies (13) Good night (3423) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.

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  (720): just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing. http://tfl.nu/182p
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are

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  (303): I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned. (720): Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed? (303): my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are http://tfl.nu/22n0
  Replies (8) Good night (3359) Bad night (969)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.

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  (720): She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life. http://tfl.nu/paqh
  Replies (71) Good night (24622) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.

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  (303): You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher? (720): Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced. http://tfl.nu/qahj
  Replies (35) Good night (12027) Bad night (919)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus

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  (720): were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus http://tfl.nu/j1dg
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.

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  (720): I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me. http://tfl.nu/g7lo
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.

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  (720): I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like. http://tfl.nu/6yf0
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?

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  (720): New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future? http://tfl.nu/5rnd
  Replies (43) Good night (4970) Bad night (897)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.

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  (720): I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time. http://tfl.nu/bucm
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.

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  (720): There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there. http://tfl.nu/9sg3
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.

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  (720): maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on. http://tfl.nu/wqnd
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.

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  (720): I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer. http://tfl.nu/jm0p
  Replies (7) Good night (214) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...

  (917): View more from New York City

  no it doesn't.

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  (917): you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere. (720): ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning... (917): no it doesn't. http://tfl.nu/6x89
  Replies (34) Good night (17260) Bad night (875)