I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on