why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw