And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just tell him i said nine months
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
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do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.