He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We are two peas in an std pod
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.