Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided