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Last Night in New Jersey (609)

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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.

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(609): My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count. http://tfl.nu/d5s2

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I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.

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(609): I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old. http://tfl.nu/3g8e

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So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up

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i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one

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ravioli

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(609): So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up (1-609): i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one (609): ravioli http://tfl.nu/eoaw

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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.

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(609): I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something. http://tfl.nu/5sjh

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is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?

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dont start drinking without me

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(215): is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor? (609): dont start drinking without me http://tfl.nu/ofdx

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wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.

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it was a krispy kreme

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(609): wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut. (941): it was a krispy kreme http://tfl.nu/o743

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I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

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and?

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RIP clitoris

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(609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6

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Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City

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(609): Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City http://tfl.nu/hsks

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Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.

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(609): Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home. http://tfl.nu/wrow

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shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.

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(609): shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look. http://tfl.nu/n3uw

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Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.

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First class.

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(609): Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass. (1-609): First class. http://tfl.nu/3mby

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I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined

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(609): I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined http://tfl.nu/fupt

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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided

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(609): Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided http://tfl.nu/mbmq

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So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation

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(609): So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation http://tfl.nu/wur7

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I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.

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(609): I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke. http://tfl.nu/r10e

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Last Night in New Jersey (609)

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