My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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