Duck Duck Cougar?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So. Much. Porn.
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