Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass