Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Jersey (609)

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  is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.

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  (609): is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive. http://tfl.nu/yffe
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  Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock

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  (609): Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock http://tfl.nu/dnop
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  we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?

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  (609): we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding? http://tfl.nu/9jac
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  girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.

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  (609): girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her. http://tfl.nu/7glm
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  I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.

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  (609): I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick. http://tfl.nu/i44q
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  Sucks about the cops last night

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  to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..

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  (609): Sucks about the cops last night (848): to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party.. http://tfl.nu/rv14
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  The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making

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  (609): The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making http://tfl.nu/k24g
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  She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.

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  (609): She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew. http://tfl.nu/vnvf
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  i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.

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  (609): i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier. http://tfl.nu/075q
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  He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.

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  (609): He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on. http://tfl.nu/bqu1
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  i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should

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  (609): i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should http://tfl.nu/q5zo
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  i'm saving my butt for my wedding night

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  (609): i'm saving my butt for my wedding night http://tfl.nu/fqx0
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  if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless

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  (609): if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless http://tfl.nu/3wa2
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  i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings

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  youre going to kill that woman one of these days

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  (609): i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings (856): youre going to kill that woman one of these days http://tfl.nu/m946
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  LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.

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  (609): LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco. http://tfl.nu/49kl
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