I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked