Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?