Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird