From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".