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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
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