It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.