You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?