I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books