So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
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I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening