Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime