Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.