My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER