i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
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do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still