This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.