Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night