All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.