Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Virginia (434)

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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Our room will be decorated with my urine.

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  (434): Our room will be decorated with my urine. http://tfl.nu/12hg
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  I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth

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  (434): I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth http://tfl.nu/xnjt
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  On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?

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  (434): On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am? http://tfl.nu/gml1
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  Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...

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  (434): Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave... http://tfl.nu/1k20
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  Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.

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  Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.

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  (240): Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird. (434): Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls. http://tfl.nu/td3o
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  For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.

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  (434): For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass. http://tfl.nu/3jfn
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  This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.

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  (434): This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened. http://tfl.nu/f3s1
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  I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.

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  (434): I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME. http://tfl.nu/rn1v
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  Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...

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  I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade

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  (434): Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit... (434): I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade http://tfl.nu/qzwf
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  some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.

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  (434): some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads. http://tfl.nu/zu14
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  A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!

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  (434): A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!! http://tfl.nu/y0d6
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  It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.

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  (434): It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me. http://tfl.nu/2yad
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  Oh shit. There are penis maracas

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  (434): Oh shit. There are penis maracas http://tfl.nu/sti5
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  i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.

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  (434): i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister. http://tfl.nu/d8xo
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  my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.

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  (434): my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life. http://tfl.nu/qxwb
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