I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.