I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.