THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Our room will be decorated with my urine.