In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.