Texts From Last Night

Last Night in West Virginia (304)

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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...

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  (304): Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof... http://tfl.nu/amda
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  I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?

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  (304): I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this? http://tfl.nu/dpdb
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  Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead

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  (304): Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead http://tfl.nu/8a8b
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  Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.

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  (304): Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life. http://tfl.nu/t3n8
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  you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands

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  (304): you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands http://tfl.nu/eruj
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  Some girl just showed me her stretch marks

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  You need to get out of tn

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  (304): Some girl just showed me her stretch marks (757): You need to get out of tn http://tfl.nu/alqm
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  There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.

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  (304): There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house. http://tfl.nu/pzrc
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  My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.

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  (304): My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires. http://tfl.nu/nxay
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  I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab

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  (304): I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab http://tfl.nu/wqq0
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  What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.

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  That wasn't intended for you, my bad.

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  (304): What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me. (1-304): That wasn't intended for you, my bad. http://tfl.nu/hfz2
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  I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.

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  (304): I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one. http://tfl.nu/3uie
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  hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy

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  (304): hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy http://tfl.nu/s01j
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  What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"

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  (304): What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?" http://tfl.nu/r7md
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  I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."

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  (304): I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God." http://tfl.nu/1oy5
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  I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.

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  (304): I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke. http://tfl.nu/7s6d
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