He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.