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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
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