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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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