I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .